The Advice Was Well-Meaning. It Was Also Wrong.

None of this advice is bad. In fact, it was probably given with the best intentions. The problem is that much of it was designed to help you be a great employee, not the obvious choice for promotion. And that's a huge difference.

I see incredibly talented professionals following these rules every day. They're working hard, being humble, supporting the team, keeping their heads down and then they're left wondering why someone else got promoted.

Let's talk about a few of the biggest ones:

What you were told

"Keep your head down and let your work speak for itself."

What's actually true

Your work proves you're capable but it can't advocate for you in rooms you're not in. If the people making promotion decisions don't understand the impact you're creating, your work isn't speaking for itself, it's staying silent and it’s essentially invisible. For all practical purposes then, so are you.

What you were told

"Be a team player. Don't make it about you."

What's actually true

Sure, be a great teammate but don't disappear inside the team's success. Promotion decisions aren't made based on what the team accomplished. They're made based on the value you consistently bring.

What you were told

"Prove yourself first. Ask for more when you've earned it."

What's actually true

If you've been delivering great work for years… You've probably already earned the conversation. Talking about your goals doesn't make you entitled. It helps people understand where you want to go so that they can actually help you get there.

What you were told

"Don't rock the boat."

What's actually true

Leadership isn't about agreeing with everything. It's about contributing thoughtful ideas, asking good questions, and respectfully challenging assumptions when it serves the business. That's how people start seeing you as someone who's ready for more. 

The goal isn't to ignore the advice you were given. It's to recognize when it's no longer helping you get where you want to go.

The advice that got you here was built for a version of the workplace that rewarded patience and penalized visibility. Most workplaces don't work that way anymore - and the ones that do aren't worth staying in.

Here's the harder question: which of these have you been following without realizing it? Because for most high performers, especially high performers of color, it's not just one. It's all of them, woven so deeply into how we operate that they feel less like rules and more like personality.

You're not "just not a self-promoter." You were told self-promotion was bad. You're not "just collaborative." You were told that taking up space was risky. You're not "just patient." You were told the ask was presumptuous.

These aren't character traits, they're strategies - and strategies can be updated. So let’s do just that. 

1. Audit your operating rules. Write down three pieces of career advice you've been following - and ask honestly: is this still serving me, or am I just following it because I always have? Most people find at least one rule they're still following that they've never actually questioned.

2. Replace the rule with a more specific one. "Keep your head down" becomes "do excellent work and make sure the right people see it." "Be a team player" becomes "lead collaboratively and make my contribution legible." Same values, different operating instructions.

3. Notice where the old advice is loudest. Usually it shows up as a feeling - guilt, anxiety, a sense of "this isn't how I do things" - right before you do something that would actually move your career forward. That feeling is the rule talking. It's ok to challenge it. 

The advice wasn't wrong when it was given. For a lot of us, staying small was genuinely the safest strategy at the time. But we're not in that environment anymore and you're not that person anymore. The rules you're following should reflect the career you're building, not the one you were trying to survive.

You don't have to unlearn everything. You just have to notice which rules are still protecting you and which ones have been quietly keeping you in place.

So here's my question this week: What's one piece of career advice you've been following that you've never stopped to question? Hit reply and let me know. I'm always adding to my list - and some of my best newsletter ideas come from conversations like these.