(3-4 mins)
A few years ago, I worked with a client - let’s call her Deepika - who was promoted into a leadership role on a global team. She was brilliant, strategic, thoughtful. The kind of person who could connect dots no one else saw. But on her first week as a manager, she said something to me I’ll never forget, “Minal, I feel like I have to choose between leading the ‘right’ way and leading the way I was raised.” And ooof, if that doesn’t sum up the lived experience of so many first- and second-generation professionals, I don’t know what does.
Because here’s the real tension: At work, you’re told to be assertive, direct, and confident while at home, you were told to be respectful, humble, and not rock the boat. And somewhere between those two worlds, you end up feeling like you’re either “too much” or “not enough.”
So today’s issue is about bridging that gap and showing you how to lead in a way that honors your culture, your values, and your identity without watering yourself down or being overlooked.
Let’s get into it.
1. Lead With Your Values (Not Someone Else’s Playbook)
Most leadership advice is written from a Western, individualistic lens: “Speak first.” “Make fast decisions.” “Push back aggressively.” But maybe you come from a culture where leadership sounds like: “Listen first. Observe. Make decisions that consider everyone, not just yourself." Neither is wrong. But only one gets celebrated in corporate America and that’s what creates the tension.
So here’s the shift: Instead of abandoning your values, lead with them. Use your natural strengths on purpose.
One of my clients, Luis, is known for being incredibly thoughtful before making decisions. Early in his career, that made him look passive. Now that he’s a director, he’ll say: “Before we decide, here are the three downstream impacts I’m considering.” He’s learned how to turn his cultural strength, consideration, into strategic clarity.
2. Stop Diluting Your Communication Style; Refine It Instead
A lot of first/second-gen professionals code-switch in communication because they don’t want to appear “emotional,” “too polite,” or “too direct.” But as I mentioned in my Masterclass last week, authenticity isn’t binary. It’s not an on/off switch - think of it more as a dimmer.
Instead of muting yourself or overcorrecting, try this: Take your natural communication style and sharpen it. If you’re naturally warm, anchor warmth with structure. If you’re naturally direct, balance directness with context. Or if you’re naturally analytical, lead with the headline, then the detail.
Here’s an example: A product manager I coach, Maya, used to soften everything with “I’m not sure but…” “Maybe we could…” or “Just a thought…” Once we started working together we scrapped all that (because it wasn’t serving anyone) and now what she says is, “Here’s what I’m seeing. Here’s the impact. Here’s what I recommend.” Still warm and still collaborative but now she’s also clear and credible, not muted or dimmed.
3. Redefine Respect (The Modern Way)
Many of us grew up equating respect with quiet compliance: “Don’t question authority;” “don’t contradict elders;” “don’t draw too much attention.” At work, that becomes not asking questions, not pushing back or setting boundaries, and not advocating for yourself. And that’s where promotions stall.
Here’s a more modern definition of respect: Respect is honoring your expertise by voicing it.
Meena, a senior financial analyst, once told me that she never corrected her VP’s mistakes during meetings because she didn't want to appear disrespectful. We worked on reframing that into, “Here’s a detail I want to add that strengthens our recommendation…” What do you think happened? She didn’t get reprimanded like she would have at home. Instead her VP later thanked her for making the team look stronger and not soon after started bringing her into more high-visibility meetings.
Respect isn’t always defined as silence. It can be defined as contribution too. Context is key.
4. Don’t Abandon Community - Build It
Many first- and second-gen professionals come from collectivist cultures where community matters. Conversely, in Corporate America, individual stars shine.
Here’s the unlock: You can lead collectively inside a system that rewards individuality.
How?
Spotlight your team’s wins in leadership calls:
Share credit intentionally:
Build psychological safety by modeling it:
Ask: “Who’s missing from this conversation?”
When you do this, people begin to view you as someone who elevates a room and not just yourself. Leaders who elevate others get elevated faster themselves.
5. Advocate for Yourself Without Feeling Selfish
This one is BIG. If you come from an immigrant household, you were probably raised to put everyone else first. Advocacy might feel like arrogance or entitlement.
Here’s a softer entry point: Self-advocacy is giving people useful information about how to support you and your work. It’s not bragging or not seeking attention. Think of it as clarity.
Use language like:
“For visibility, here’s a quick update on X…”
“Here’s what I’ve delivered and what I’m driving next…”
“Here’s where I need alignment…”
You’re not making it about you. You’re making it easier for everyone to understand the impact you’re creating so the whole team can move forward faster and with fewer roadblocks.
This Week’s Action
Pick one of these five shifts and practice it once. Literally once.
Share your perspective without softening it
Clarify your thought process in a meeting
Advocate for your work with a simple, factual update
Lead a meeting your way, not the “traditional” way
Ask, “Who else needs to be in this conversation?”
Then pay attention: Did you feel more grounded? Did the room respond differently? Did you show up a little more like the leader you already are? Where else can you do this? Slow and steady, one piece at a time.
Reply and tell me where and with what do you think you want to start first? I can’t wait to hear.
👋🏽 Hi! I’m Minal - a Career Success & Leadership Coach for 1st & 2nd gen professionals (the first in your family to build a career here or the child of immigrants balancing two cultures). I help you move past outdated work advice, communicate with confidence and clarity, and show up as a strong, credible leader so that you can earn promotions (and raises) faster without burning out, shrinking yourself, or pretending to be someone you’re not.
🔥 If this resonated, share it with someone balancing two cultures and one workplace rulebook. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, join Unmuted here 👇🏽 to get next week’s issue. You don't want to miss it!
See you next week,Minal
