(3-4 mins)
When I was a kid, being “ambitious” wasn’t exactly a compliment. It meant pushy, proud, too much. And for a girl, that was definitely not ok.
So, like a lot of 1st and 2nd gen professionals and immigrants, I learned early to dial it down. I learned to smile more, not brag, be humble, let other people take credit for my ideas and even my work. It didn’t feel great growing up, but I also didn’t want to be an outcast or “too much.” And as I got older, this translated into my work, my livelihood.
Fast forward to my first corporate role. I was sitting in a performance review, waiting for that glowing feedback I’d worked myself ragged for but instead, my manager said, “You’re doing great work. We just wish you’d show a little more confidence.”
I laughed awkwardly, nodded, and thought, Confidence? You mean bragging? That’s not how I was raised…literally. I worked really hard to do the opposite of what I was being asked. What the actual…?! And then not only was I angry - at my parents, my culture, my boss and myself - I was also really confused. Who was I supposed to be and how on earth was I supposed to act?
Here’s the problem: At home, ambition feels like betrayal. At work, humility reads as hesitation. And somewhere between those two worlds… a lot of us start to lose our voice.
The Double Bind of Cultural Expectations
For so many of us raised between cultures, this isn’t just a mindset issue, it’s a cultural contradiction.
At home, you might hear:
“Don’t outshine others.”
“Be grateful for what you have.”
“Keep your head down and do good work."
At work, you hear:
“Speak up more.”
“Advocate for yourself.”
“Own your accomplishments."
And the kicker? Both sets of advice are technically right. But together, they create this invisible tension - a push and a pull that keeps you muted in the moments that matter most.
You end up code-switching not just in language or tone, but in identity. At home, you hide your ambition; at work, you hide your culture. And somewhere in the middle, you start wondering which version is the real you.
How This Shows Up at Work
Here’s what it looks like in real life:
You get praised for being “steady” but passed over for leadership roles because you “don’t show enough drive.”
You hold back in meetings because you don’t want to sound "arrogant" or "confrontational."
You write and rewrite your self-evaluation until it sounds confident but not too confident.
You downplay big wins so you don’t seem like you’re bragging, then watch someone else get credit for doing waaaaay less.
None of this means you lack ability. It means you’re navigating a workplace that rewards behaviors that your upbringing may have discouraged. I know mine did. That’s not a personal flaw, it’s a cultural mismatch.
So What Do You Do About It?
Let’s start simple. You don’t need to swing from quiet to cocky. Realistically, you probably couldn’t be cocky anymore, even if you tried. You just need to start speaking from alignment or differently put, from that younger, more confident part of yourself before you were told to be quiet.
This week, try this:
1. Redefine “Ambition” for Yourself
Ambition isn’t arrogance, it’s self-respect in action. It’s knowing your value and giving others permission to see it too. Instead of “I don’t want to seem full of myself,” try: “I want to show the full version of myself.”
2. Start with Low-Stakes Advocacy
If self-promotion feels awkward, start small.
Mention a win in a team chat.
Add a line of context in your update: “This project grew out of an idea I brought up last quarter.”
Practice saying, “I’m proud of the impact we made here.”
You’re not bragging, you’re just narrating your contribution because quite literally, your hard work can’t speak for itself. You have to.
3. Build a New Reference Group
Surround yourself with people who get it. People who are like you. People who won’t mistake your confidence for attitude because they’ve very likely fought the same inner battle. When you normalize self-advocacy in your circle, it stops feeling like constant rebellion.
This Week’s Practice
Pick one space, either home or work, where you’ve been hiding your voice and speak 10% louder there.
That could mean sharing a win at work without softening it or telling family what you’re proud of instead of downplaying it. The ultimate goal is to get to when who you are at work finally matches who you are at home. That’s not “too ambitious.” That’s alignment. And that’s where authentic leadership begins.
If this hit home, I’d love to hear from you: Where do you feel the biggest cultural tension - at home or at work? Hit reply and tell me. I read every response.
And if you’re ready to bridge that gap - to speak up, lead confidently, and still feel like you - come join my Masterclass on Thursday, November 20 @ 11aCST (9aPST/12pEST). I’ll teach you how to:
how to get noticed without being the loudest in the room;
how to build influence without the office politics;
and how to get promoted without shrinking or pretending to be someone you're not.
Sign up here. And if you like what you see, let’s talk about working together to get you visible, promoted and paid while honoring your roots as you rise.
Have a great weekend!
Minal
👋🏽 Hi! I’m Minal - a Career Success & Leadership Coach for 1st & 2nd gen professionals (the first in your family to build a career here or the child of immigrants balancing two cultures). I help you move past outdated work advice, communicate with confidence and clarity, and show up as a strong, credible leader so that you can earn promotions (and raises) faster without burning out, shrinking yourself, or pretending to be someone you’re not.
🔥 If this hit home, share it with someone who’s ever felt “too ambitious” in one room and “too quiet” in another. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, join Unmuted here 👇🏽 to get next week’s issue. You don't want to miss it!
