(3-4 mins)
A few months ago, I was coaching a senior product manager - let’s call her Neha. She was preparing to present her team’s roadmap to the executive suite, her biggest audience yet.
She told me, “This time, I feel confident. I know my stuff.” And she really did. Her slides were solid, her data was airtight, and she’d practiced her delivery to perfection. But halfway through the meeting, things unraveled. The CTO interrupted; then her director “to add context;” and by the end, Neha was standing off to the side of her own presentation, confident in her content, but no longer commanding the room.
On our call after, she said, “I don’t get it. I wasn’t nervous. I spoke clearly and I was confident.” And she was right. She was confident. But confidence wasn’t what that room needed from her.
The Confidence Illusion
We’re often told that confidence is the magic ingredient, the end goal if you will. We think, “If I just feel more confident, then I’ll speak up, then I’ll lead meetings, then I’ll be taken seriously…” We’re made to believe that if we could just feel confident, everything else will fall into place. But that isn’t true because there is a distinct difference between confidence and executive presence.
Confidence is an inner feeling while executive presence is an outer experience.
Confidence says, “I believe in myself” while executive presence says, “You can believe in me, too.”
And that’s a powerful distinction because confidence is about you, but presence is about how others feel around you. Confidence might help you speak up but executive presence helps people listen.
When Confidence Falls Short
You’ve seen it before:
The confident engineer who over explains every detail, when the execs just want a decision.
The confident manager who rushes through updates, not realizing her team feels her anxiety more than her authority.
The confident analyst who’s always right, but sounds defensive when challenged.
They’re confident, yes, but they don’t inspire confidence and that’s the difference between confidence and presence. Presence bridges the gap between believing in yourself and helping others believe in you.
What Executive Presence Actually Looks Like
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Executive presence does not mean louder, flashier or bolder. It’s actually the opposite - quieter and more intentional - because it’s not about proving yourself, it’s about anchoring the room.
It’s the pause before you answer; the way you hold steady eye contact when someone challenges your point; the calm tone when others are stressed; and the clarity you bring when everyone else is spinning in circles.
Executive presence isn’t about proving you can handle it - it’s about showing that you already are.
The Turnaround Moment
When Neha and I unpacked her meeting, she had a lightbulb moment. She said, “I went in trying to sound confident. But I never thought about what would make them feel confident in me.”
So we did some work and the next time she presented, she shifted her focus. She opened with, “Here’s the problem, here’s my recommendation, and here’s why it matters.” She slowed her pace and didn’t defend every challenge. Instead, she acknowledged, she paused, and then she responded thoughtfully.
By the end, her VP told her, “That’s the most leadership I’ve seen you show yet.”
And the best part is that she had it in her all along. She didn’t feel particularly more confident that day; she just tweaked a few things to create confidence for others.
The Shift and Next Week’s Action Step:
Here’s how you can start creating your own presence:
Stop asking, “How can I sound more confident?” and start asking, “How can I make others feel grounded and clear in my presence? How can I make others feel confident about me?” This is the difference between being impressive and being trusted.
These very small shifts can have very big impacts.
I’d love to hear how it goes or what questions come up as you try this in real time. Drop me a quick note or reply to this email. I read every message.
Let’s rise together,
Minal
👋🏽 Hi! I’m Minal - a Career Success & Leadership Coach for 1st & 2nd gen professionals (the first in your family to build a career here or the child of immigrants balancing two cultures). I help you move past outdated work advice, communicate with confidence and clarity, and show up as a strong, credible leader so that you can earn promotions (and raises) faster without burning out, shrinking yourself, or pretending to be someone you’re not.
🔥 If this hit home, forward it to one person who’s confident on paper but still feels unseen at work. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, join Unmuted here 👇🏽 to get next week’s issue. I’m wrapping up my Executive Presence series with something fun (and a little spooky 👻).
