(3-4 mins)
Last week, I asked a client to summarize their wins for Q1. They looked at me blankly, blinked, swallowed, opened their mouth and then shut it again. That happened twice. I smiled and then laughed and he laughed with me. I shared that I wasn’t laughing at him, but I was laughing because his reaction was my exact reaction a few years ago.
This was meant to be a “simple exercise” but to any first or second gen professional or professional of color, it feels more like torture. I asked my client to just try it. No judgment. He was on the phone with me and I wasn’t the one in charge of his promotions and pay raises. So he did and this is what he said. “I supported a few key initiatives and helped the team stay on track. We saw some positive results across projects.”
Now this response is pretty standard and the more I have my clients do these exercises, the more apparent it is that we (as immigrants, children/grandchildren of immigrants and professionals of color) are all so trained to downplay our achievements, fade into the background and give others the credit we deserve. We have truly mastered the art of being impressive while remaining invisible at the same time. I smiled gently and told my client that what he said meant nothing to me. It didn’t give me any more information than had he not said anything at all - and herein lies the problem.
Then I asked him to unpack his statement further, with specifics. Without outing my client too much, I’ll just say that he shared some pretty baller numbers, hit some aggressive KPIs and was actually beaming when he finished listing his accomplishments.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I guess it just felt pretty good saying it out loud.”
“Yes!”
“But I could never say that to my manager.”
“Ok, how come?”
“Because I feel arrogant and it feels gross. No one takes credit for their work like that. They’ll think I’m not a team player.”
In those three sentences, my client hit the nail on the head. And because of this, instead of sharing wins, we shrink them. So much so that many of the the sentences we share when it comes to what we've actually done, literally mean nothing. They may sound polished but in reality they are so stripped down, so safe, that they don't add anything new or novel and as a result they are instantly forgettable.
I heard my client and we talked through this. We talked about narratives he grew up with, the rules of corporate America that he was never taught, and what actually happens behind most closed doors when colleagues get promoted and paid while we watch from the sidelines.
I asked him to phrase his accomplishments in this framework: “I led X project, which helped us hit Y milestone two weeks ahead of schedule. It also reduced back-and-forth with stakeholders by X%, which made the next phase smoother.”
He did this with a few of his accomplishments and while he wasn’t beaming the way he was after he had just listed them straight up, he was smiling.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“That didn’t feel gross. It wasn’t comfortable and it will definitely take some practice to get used to it, but I didn’t feel arrogant and I don’t feel icky inside.”
Yes! Now it was my turn to beam. That is the key that so many people (coaches and professionals) miss. The way you present needs to be meaningful, impactful and it cannot feel gross during or after you share or you won’t do it again. The change won’t stick and you’ll go back to quietly sharing nothing and quietly wondering why everyone else seems to be moving ahead faster.
Here’s something to consider: If you don’t share your own wins, people will make up a version of your impact - and it will almost always be smaller than reality. Not because they’re trying to underestimate you, but because they don’t have the full picture. Your brain goes with it because it feels safe but we’re not here for safe. We’re here to get credit for the work we’ve done without feeling arrogant, gross or icky so that we can then reap the rewards of that hard work with promotions and pay raises.
Sharing wins is not about you. It’s about clarity. When you talk about your work in terms of outcomes, you’re not bragging, you’re just helping people understand what actually happened clearly. And clarity builds credibility and credibility is what promotions and pay raises are built on.
So, if this still feels uncomfortable, here are two ways to make it easier: First, talk about the work like you’re talking about someone else. You wouldn’t say, “She kind of did some stuff.” You’d say, “She led this and this is the impact it made.” Give yourself that same energy. Second, anchor everything in outcomes. Not what you did or how hard it was, but what changed because you did it. Think: before → after. “We were missing deadlines → Now we’re consistently delivering a week early.” “Customers were dropping off → Now retention is up 20%.”
That’s not bragging. It’s reporting and leaders trust people who can clearly report what’s working (and what's not).
Here’s the truth. You don’t feel “gross” because you’re sharing wins. You feel uncomfortable because you’re not used to hearing yourself take up that kind of space. There’s a difference. So the next time someone asks what you’ve been working on, don’t disappear mid-sentence. Say the thing, name the impact and let it land. And if you’re practicing this and it still feels a little awkward, that’s okay. Awkward is usually a sign you’re doing something new, not necessarily something wrong.
Try speaking up about one of your accomplishments just once next week and please tell me how it goes. I read every reply.
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🔥 If you know someone who is brilliant but doesn't know how to share their wins without feeling gross, this one’s for them too so please forward along. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, join Unmuted here to get next week’s issue. You don't want to miss it!
👋🏽 Hi! I’m Minal - a Career Success & Leadership Coach for ambitious and talented 1st and 2nd gen immigrants and professionals of color. I teach you how to translate your hard work into actual words your manager, skip, and the C-Suite respect and reward, so your efforts turn into recognition, promotions, and pay raises ranging from $10K-$60K vs. a quick compliment, a pat on the back, and more work to do. All without working harder, finding a new job or pretending to be someone you're not. If you’re reading this and thinking, “Heck yeah… I need this,” reply to this email and let’s explore what working together could look like. You can also book a free career clarity call here or click on the button below.
See you next week,
Minal