(4 mins)
I used to pride myself on being helpful. At work, at home, with friends… I was the person who had the answer. Need something figured out? I’ve got you. Something’s unclear? I’ll clear it up. You’re stuck? I’ll help move you forward. And for a long time, almost my whole life, that worked. People trusted me, relied on me, and they liked working with me.
But then I started noticing a pattern I couldn’t ignore. I was in the room for the conversation, the processing and problem-solving, but I wasn't always included in the decision part of the equation.
I remember one meeting in particular. We were trying to figure out how to move a project forward that had been stalled for weeks. Everyone was circling the problem, throwing out ideas, asking questions, going in loops. So I did what I do best and jumped in and broke it down.
“Here’s what’s happening. This is where it’s getting stuck. If we adjust X, it should move.” Heads nodded. Someone even said, “That’s really helpful,” and then we moved on.
A few days later, the decision was relayed to me and someone else was getting the credit. I wasn’t in the room for the decision and I was curious what had happened so I asked a co-worker. She said, “Oh, Tim took what you said and then gave a recommendation and Jill went with that.” I was so confused. Didn’t I give a recommendation? And then I was angry - at Tim, and then at Jill, but really I think I was irritated with myself. Reflecting back, I stopped too early. Tim said almost exactly what I had said but he added the recommendation that I didn’t. This happens all the time!
One of my clients said something almost identical to me this week. “I feel like I’m always the one doing the thinking, but I’m not the one people look to when it’s time to decide.” So as always, I asked her to walk me through a recent example.
She said, “They were trying to figure out how to improve turnaround time. I analyzed the workflow and pointed out where things were slowing down.”
“Then what?” I asked.
She paused. “That’s it.”
That’s the moment. That’s the gap. Helpful people stop after providing the answer whereas influential people take one step further and shape what happens next.
I want to be very clear. This isn’t about being louder or more aggressive or suddenly becoming the person who dominates every meeting. It’s actually much simpler than that. It’s just about not abandoning your own thinking. You already did the hard part - you saw the problem and you figured out the solution, but then you handed it off, stepped back, and let someone else pick it up, package it, and move it forward. And in that moment, they became the owner of the idea.
Here’s what that same situation sounds like with one small shift. Instead of, “Here’s where the process is slowing down…” and ending at the end of your sentence. You add, “My recommendation is we adjust X. It’ll help us move faster and reduce delays on the backend.” That’s it. You’re not doing more work or overstepping. You’re just staying in the moment long enough to guide it.
I tested this in my own life recently, outside of work. We were trying to figure out summer plans with the family. A lot of opinions, too many options. A lot of “we could do this” and “maybe that.” And honestly, old me would have said, “Sure, I’m good with whatever. Let me know how I can help plan.” I was helpful, easygoing and just went with most things.
This time, I said, “I’d actually prefer we just do Thailand. It’s easier with the kids, and we’ll all enjoy it more.” Everyone paused, I freaked out a little internally and then, “Yeah, that makes sense.” The decision was made and I actually got to make it. I was honestly a little surprised but when that wore off, I was proud of myself for speaking up and way more excited about the summer than had I just gone with the flow or handed the decision off to someone else to make.
This is prevalent in all areas of our lives and it applies to all areas of work: Being helpful keeps things moving while being influential shapes where they go.
And most high performers? You’re right there. You see what needs to happen, you know what would work, you just don’t take that final step. And it’s not because you don’t care. It's likely because no one ever taught you how to share an opinion without overexplaining, guide without overstepping or speak up without feeling like you’re “too much.” So instead you stay in safe execution mode and then wonder why you’re not moving up.
So here’s something to try this week. Don’t change everything. Just notice where you usually stop and the next time you share an answer, stay in it one sentence longer. “My recommendation is X because…” Let it land. You might be surprised how quickly people start to see you differently.
OK, great. Problem, solution - sorted. But here’s the part no one actually talks about. That moment right before you say it. “My recommendation is…” That’s where everything tightens. You’ll feel it in your chest, you’ll second-guess yourself mid-sentence and you’ll want to soften it or skip it entirely.
Again, not because you don’t know what to say but because this is the moment you’re no longer just helping. You’re taking a position and for a lot of us, that’s unfamiliar territory. We were taught to be collaborative, be respectful and to not overstep. So even when we know the answer, we hesitate to own it. And in that tiny hesitation, that almost not even there pause, is when you get to decide, do I step forward (and try something new)… or do I step back (and allow things to stay the same)?
One of my clients caught herself in that exact moment last week. She had already explained the issue and walked through the options. And then she stopped. She said, “I literally felt myself about to say, ‘What do you think?’” But instead, she paused, took a breath, channeled our last session, and said, “My recommendation is we move forward with X.” She shared that it felt scary, like she was more exposed. But that it also felt clearer and more final. Like she was actually able to take her thought through to completion vs. doing the heavy lifting and then handing it off.
Her manager didn’t debate it, overanalyze it or even question it. She just nodded and said, “Sounds good. Let’s do that.”
So, here’s what I’m saying. Influence doesn’t usually look like a big, bold move. It looks like a small moment where you don’t backtrack, where you don’t hand your thinking off, or where you stay with your own voice for just one sentence longer.
And if you’re not ready to say it out loud yet, that’s ok, start smaller. Say it in your head first. Write it down before the meeting. Practice it in low-stakes conversations. “I’d go with X,” “I’d prioritize Y,” or “I’d handle it this way.” Let your brain get used to hearing you take a position because once that becomes normal to you, it becomes natural for everyone else.
Being helpful got you here but being influential is what moves you forward. And the gap between the two is actually smaller and a lot more doable than you think.
If you try this next week, I want to hear how it goes. Even if it feels awkward or comes out a little clunky, that’s ok. You’re not going to get it perfectly on your first try. The important thing is that you’re trying. And awkward and clunky are usually signs that you’re doing something new. And new is exactly where this shift starts.
See you next week,
Minal
🔥 If you know someone who is brilliant but stops short every time, this one’s for them too so please forward along. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, join Unmuted here to get next week’s issue. You don't want to miss it!
👋🏽 Hi! I’m Minal - a Career Success & Leadership Coach for ambitious and talented 1st & 2nd gen immigrants and professionals of color. I teach you how to translate your hard work into actual words your manager, skip, and the C-Suite respect and reward, so your efforts turn into recognition, promotions, and pay raises ranging from $10K-$60K vs. a quick compliment, a pat on the back, and more work to do. All without working harder, finding a new job or pretending to be someone you're not. If you’re reading this and thinking, “Heck yeah… I need this,” reply to this email and let’s explore what working together could look like. You can also book a free career clarity call here. I hope to hear from you soon.