Executive Presence, Redefined: The Scary Myths About Executive Presence (and What to Believe Instead)

And suddenly I was 28 again, in a conference room in San Francisco, sweaty-palmed and over-prepared, watching a VP scan the room. When her eyes landed on me, I straightened up, lifted my chin, tried to channel “leader energy,” whatever that meant at the time. She nodded…and then looked right past me.

I remember thinking: Maybe when I sound more confident or when I get the title or when I polish a little more then I’ll be… You know - all the “one day” what if stories we tell ourselves.

Fast-forward to today. After coaching hundreds of first- and second-gen professionals, I can tell you with my whole chest: It’s not you. It’s the myths you were taught about what leadership is supposed to look like. And those myths don’t build presence, they shrink it.

So while everyone else is busy being spooked by haunted houses this week , we’re going to expose the real monsters out here: The outdated beliefs about executive presence that keep capable people playing small.

Let’s bust them one by one.

Myth #1: Executive Presence Means Acting Like Leadership

Reality: It means leading like you.

So many of us, especially 1st & 2nd gen professionals, grew up mastering adaptation. We learned to read the room, stay agreeable, blend in. But like I’ve said a milion times before, blending in doesn’t build presence, it builds invisibility.

When I worked in corporate, I once had a VP tell me, “You’re too soft for leadership.” At the time, I tried to tone that part of me down, pretend to be tougher and louder. Years later, I realized that softness was my edge. It’s why teams trusted me.

Myth #2: You Need to Be Confident Before You Can Have Presence

Reality: Presence builds confidence, not the other way around.

Confidence isn’t the prerequisite for presence. It’s actually the result. You don’t just wake up confident one day despite all your wishing and wanting. You build it, one moment of visibility at a time.

Think of it like this: you don’t feel fit before you start working out. You start, and then you feel stronger.

Myth #3: You Need to Be the Loudest Voice in the Room

Reality: Power isn’t volume - it’s intention.

One of my clients, Sapna, a product manager, told me she always felt overshadowed by louder peers in leadership meetings. So rather than forcing herself to be louder too, she tried something new: she paused. She waited two beats before answering questions. Not to be shy - but to be deliberate. And it worked - people leaned in. Her silence created gravity and a sense of calm groundedness.

Myth #4: Executive Presence = Perfect Communication

Reality: It’s not perfection, it’s the recovery.

Everyone fumbles. The difference is that leaders with presence don’t spiral.They smile, stay grounded, and redirect: “Let me rephrase that…” or  “That came out clunky, what I meant was…”

It’s not about nailing every word. That’s not even possible. It’s about showing that you can handle the moment when things don’t go perfectly. You need to be honest, act calmly and a little humor never hurt. Those are what earn trust.

Myth #5: You Need a Fancy Title to Have Presence

Reality: Titles don’t create presence. Behavior does.

You don’t have to wait for a promotion to act like a leader. Start by leading how you’d want to be led - with clarity, ownership, and calm under pressure.

If you act like a leader, people will start treating you like one long before your title catches up.

This Week’s Action Step

Pick one myth you’ve been believing - and flip it.

• If you’ve been waiting to “feel ready,” take the action first.

• If you’ve been quiet to be polite, speak up once more.

• If you’ve been blending in, show up as you.
  
  

Then notice how people respond differently. Spoiler: they will. And don’t be discouraged if things don’t change the first time around. Remember what I said about 30 reps. 

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