(3-4 mins)
Years ago, I was sitting in a leadership meeting where I absolutely knew the answer. Not “I think maybe” and not “I read an article once.” I knew. The team was debating a strategy that was clearly going to create more problems than it solved. I had seen this play out before. I had the data, I had the experience, and I had the pattern recognition. And when it was finally my turn to speak, here’s how I started. “This might be off, but…”
I actually felt it happen in real time. The shrinking, the softening, the apology before the idea. No one told me to do that. No one interrupted me or had dismissed me before. But I pre-rejected myself just in case.
Upon reflection and some coaching, I learned my lesson. But it’s something I still see with my clients all the time. Brilliant people, super sharp thinkers, deeply competent, and yet their sentences start with, “I’m not totally sure, but…;” “Just a thought…;” “This might be a silly question…” Let me be very clear here. Your ideas are not the problem. Your delivery is.
As high-achievers we don’t dim our light because we lack confidence (although some of us definitely do). More often than not though, we dim it because we’re managing risk. We don’t want to sound arrogant or make other people uncomfortable, and we don’t want to be directly challenged in our thinking. This is especially true if you grew up in an immigrant household being told to be humble. Or perhaps it was to be respectful. Maybe don’t show off or don’t talk too much. Don’t be “that” person. Any one of these would create an aversion to shining.
So what do we do instead? We soften, we over-explain and we add disclaimers. For all intents and purposes, we wrap our brilliance in bubble wrap. Here’s the problem though, when we shrink our delivery, people shrink our expertise. They don’t experience us as thoughtful. They experience us as uncertain. And leadership is not lining up to promote uncertainty.
One of my clients, let’s call him Daniel, tested this in a small but powerful way. In meetings, he used to end every suggestion with, “What do you think?” His tone went up at the end like a question even when he had already done the analysis.
After noticing this pattern, we made one tiny shift. Instead of asking what people thought, he ended with: “Here’s what I recommend.” Then he stopped talking. No extra explanation or nervous laughter. No filler, he just stopped talking. Same information, completely different energy.
The first time he did it, he told me his heart was pounding. He was sure someone would push back hard or think he was overstepping. You know what happened?
His manager said, “That makes sense. Let’s go with that.”
That was it. No pushback, no drama, and certainly no heart explosion.
I want you to try this this coming week:
Drop the disclaimer, say your idea and just stop talking OR end with a recommendation. Not “What do you think?” but, “Here’s what I recommend” and then stop.
It will feel abrupt at first, maybe even rude. That’s okay. You’re not at home and you won’t get into trouble. The feeling that will likely follow is just unfamiliar power and once you get used to it, it’s actually pretty addictive.
You do not need better ideas. You need cleaner delivery because clean, confident delivery changes how people experience you.
Get experienced as decisive and clear, and you get invited into higher-stakes conversations. Higher-stakes conversations lead to high-impact projects. High-impact projects lead to promotions and pay increases. Not because you magically became smarter, but because people can finally feel your competence.
If you notice yourself softening your sentences next week - pause, catch it, and start again. No disclaimer. Just say the thing and let it land.
Let me know when you try this. I’d genuinely love to hear what shifts for you as often the smallest changes in delivery often create the biggest shifts in trajectory. I read and respond to every email I get.
🔥 If you know someone who is brilliant but pre-qualifies everything they say, this one’s for them too so please forward along. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, join Unmuted here to get next week’s issue. You don't want to miss it!
👋🏽 Hi! I’m Minal - a Career Success & Leadership Coach for ambitious and talented professionals of color. I teach you how to translate your hard work into actual words your manager, skip and the C-Suite respect and reward, so your efforts turn into recognition, promotions, and pay raises ranging from $10K-$60K vs. a quick compliment, a pat on the back, and more work to do. All without working harder, finding a new job or pretending to be someone you're not. If you’re reading this and thinking, “Heck yeah… I need this,” reply to this email and let’s explore what working together could look like or book a free career clarity call here.
See you next week,
Minal